Ode to Thea Bakker | You were always Thea, but when you were born, you were named Theodore

This text was translated by Charlott Markus

Dear Thea,

First time we met was in Amsterdam North via your dear friend Ans, it was at an exhibition opening and amongst the artworks you greeted me like I was the most interesting person in the room. I felt seen by you and you let me see you. A special meeting that was continued by many more and it feels like I have known you far longer than I actually have. Your sparkling eyes, contagious curiosity, quick mouth, and kind energy was something I immediately resonated with. A friendship developed with long discussions, exchanging thoughts, fears, laughs and even actual tears. And then suddenly you were gone, too fast, too early. 

To all of our grief, a week before Christmas 2023, you had decided to leave us definitely. First, I was angry with you. I feel sorry for that now. You had agency in your own death, and I have learnt to respect your choice, even understand it I think. You were found at rest in your home in Amsterdam west with five written letters to dear ones next to you. I miss you. 

Thea, you were a local Amsterdam woman, you moved to Amsterdam as a young adult and lived here until your death at the age of 72. An adventurous, sporty, intelligent woman with a massive passion for music. Your record collection was enormous, and your ‘music chair’ was the central thing in your home. A thing that I loved about your house, the ultimate place to sit and contemplate, to listen, to enjoy being alive. After surviving a serious bike accident in Amsterdam 2022, you never felt like yourself again. Someone on an electrical bike simply drove too fast and you had no chance of escaping them. Your head took a heavy blow, and your brain was damaged. You worked hard to heal and get better and there was progress but even if people didn’t directly notice it, you felt you could not live with this. The loss of memory and according to you, a delayed and not as bright brain as you normally knew yourself having. 

You were always Thea but when you were born in 1951, you were named Theodore. A handsome boy that grew into a young man, but with dark chapters and sometimes even drowning with complete darkness. Your physical body didn’t rhyme with your mind and spirit and Thea first came out and about in secret. You moved to Amsterdam and in the end of the 70’s you found refuge in the Working Group on Transvestism and Transsexuality at the NVSH and shortly after you started the process to officially become Thea. To be yourself, inside and out. Together with your dear Ella you travelled to England where you both went through painful procedures to feel home in your physical bodies. Even with your own death you were determined and when the rehabilitation after the recent accident didn’t go as you wished you decided that now was the time. 

For me you represent strong womxn. A resilient woman and someone who respected anyone for whom they were. You were not someone well known or famous but someone who made a difference in your community and in the lifes of the people you met. Small talk was not really a thing with you and instead you went straight to the point and together we went deep.  I resonated with you, and this made me love you. You were opinionated, concerned for the climate and for your fellow beings and so very human. We found each other in the light and the dark. Two women who have fought battles with hormones and travelled a long way to be able to feel home. Different battles and yet common ground and emotions. Thea, for me you symbolize free choice and love. You reminded me that we have the right to be who we are and the right to take space. As my fellow woman you will always resonate with me, as my friend you will always stay with me, and I will continue the conversations we had to keep myself sharp. 

There are so many things I want to say to you, there are so many things I wish we could still share. You are gone but your wit and spirit will live on, you were unique and yet your path in life is shared by many. Growing up in the time you did I have been told you often felt like a freak, a feeling that could still haunt you from time to time. You were no freak, you were a woman, a beautiful human being and I am proud to call you friend. 

Love / Charlott