Ode to Sierra Durgaram | You ARE the community you were looking for

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Dear Sierra Durgaram,

I met you at a completely random moment, sitting on the bar stool where you took my order. I had heard a lot about Bar Bario - the queer bar you really had to visit. I knew very little about you, except that from our first interaction you made me feel like you saw me. Not in a banal way of noticing someone, but in a “you belong here” way.

I remember very well that I had gone with Nilab Ahmadi - another woman who makes Amsterdam more beautiful - and of course I went to read a book. I immediately admired the aesthetic of this place, how homey and warm it looked, and how the activism makes it immediately clear who set this place up. Few places in our city exist like this. This was just two years ago, one year after you opened this beautiful place on Bilderijk Street.

Maybe it feels strange for both of us that I am writing an ode to you; I don't know you very well and we don't see each other very often. And yet I see you, just as you saw me right away. We had conversations pretty quickly about how the queer community doesn't feel like a community for people like you and me. You talked about your privilege and the insecurity you felt about whether you were doing well enough. Your search for people who belonged to you, who you also wanted to belong to. It wasn't all easy, yet you still battle through everything every day. You faced multiple floods and Zionist attacks through Google reviews. But you keep organizing, you keep learning, you keep listening and watching people.

Amsterdam seems to have a culture where the so-called cool kids like to spot each other at events; see and be seen. The more famous you are, the better. The more followers you have, the better. What I have observed - and let's face it, been annoyed by - is what it does to our queer community. Certain people are the figureheads and a lot of people circle around them, those are the people you need to talk to and listen to. And even though you have become more and more well-known - at least in our circles - you give people equal attention. That's what I mean by really seeing people. I'm convinced that this is your superpower - your empathy and your openness.

This tribute is not only to you for the person you are, but also for what you have meant here in Amsterdam. You organized benefits for Palestine, speed dating for non-binary people, drag brunch, exhibitions for queer and trans people, iftars, and of course parties where we can safely shake our asses. The list is so long that if I write down a sampling of what you can do monthly at Bario it would be longer than this ode.

Instead of a long list of accomplishments, I prefer to name what you have accomplished on a larger scale. Bar Bar Bario is not just a bar - it is a place where marginalized people can feel safe and at home. A place where we can allow our art and culture to exist without conditions. A place for people who have had no sense of belonging anywhere. Bar Bario is a place for us, by us - but especially made possible by you. Sierra, you are the driving force, the go-gtter, the connector and the heart of a living room that feels more like home to many of us, than anywhere else. In your Amsterdam - no, in your world - I want to live all too gladly. So thank you for all you do - seen and unseen - giving many of us a place where we don't just have to survive, but I may rest, dance, thrive and grow. I hope you know that you ARE the community you were looking for.

Much love, Mojdeh Feili