Ode to Renée Kapitein | Find your space

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In the heart of Amsterdam-Noord, we meet Renée Kapitein, a writer with a background in theater who now focuses on books and audio stories. In a candid conversation, she shares her relationship with Amsterdam, her personal and social challenges as a woman, and the power of connection.

Although Renée grew up just outside the city, she considers Amsterdam a fundamental part of her identity. “This city is a bit like family: sometimes maddening, but impossible to let go of,” she says. She grew up just outside the city limits, but has been studying and living there since she was eighteen. With an Amsterdam father, she feels connected to both city life and the village mentality.

One of the biggest challenges in Renée's life is the expectation surrounding motherhood. “I never wanted to be a mother, but even in a liberal society like the Netherlands, that is what is expected of you,” she says. “It is difficult to deal with that expectation, both from the outside and inside myself. Especially now that it is no longer an option. How do you fill your life then? I still don't have an answer to that.”

Renée also talks about a broader challenge: how to deal with personal concerns while the world seems to be in crisis? “The contrast between your own small struggles and the big world problems can sometimes be paralyzing. For example: I feel bad because it is gray and rainy, while elsewhere the world is literally on fire. Finding that balance is difficult.”
 

According to Renée, women are confronted with a double pressure: both high expectations and being underestimated. “Women are expected to be good mothers, friends and daughters, while also having a career, keeping their house in order and always looking well-groomed. At the same time, they are often not taken seriously.” Although progress has been made, these expectations remain a challenge.

Renée has woven her experiences and insights into her work. “I used to want to be ‘one of the guys’, as if being a woman didn't matter. But since I've been thinking about it more, it has become a theme in my work.” She also tries to be kinder to other women: “Because of all the challenges we face, we can sometimes be hard on each other. I try to let go of that.”

Renée believes in the power of community. “As a woman, you can often feel lonely in your quest. But when you share your stories, you realize you are not alone.” She points to initiatives such as the meeting with 41 women she has heard about. “That immediately gives you a feeling of solidarity. We are together, we are not alone. There are 41 of us, but there are millions.”

Inspiring women

Who shaped Renée? “It's hard to answer other than my mother,” she laughs. “My sister too. They always encouraged me to find my own path, even when it was difficult. They never said: ‘shouldn't you do it differently?’ and that gave me a lot of freedom.”

Finally, Renée hopes that people will be more considerate when asking personal questions such as “Do you want children?” and be open to different ways of shaping their lives. “Anything can be valuable, as long as you find your own space.” In a world full of expectations and struggles, Renée continues to search for her own space. Her story is a powerful reminder that we do not have to go on this quest alone.